The Light At the End of the Tunnel

I first met Anthony (my now ex) in 2007 and we had a good social life, always going out on the drink, to clubs, staying over at his mums and generally having a good time and I fell for his charms and his kindess and my parents didn't approve of it at the time, I was young and stupid in their eyes and in the end they kicked me out. The only person I had was him. We got a council place and within 2 months of being together I fell pregnant with Imogen and he was over the moon he couldn't wait to be a dad (or so he said) then once my pregnancy progressed if he wasn't at work he was out on the drink with the lads and we spent less and less time together and stupid me put it down to him being scared of becoming a dad at the age of 23!

The day imogen was born he f*cked off to the pub from 4pm to 4am the following morning to wet the babys head yet he came home effing and blinding to me asking me who the 'real' father of Imogen was....

Then I was up every hour on the hour BF Imogen and was losing more and more weight and had barely any energy to do things, if Iasked for a cuppa all I got off him was "in a minute" or "I've been to work all week"

It got to the point where I was underweight, had no support, Imogen was breast feeding non stop I hadn't ate in weeks and was feeling rather low and everytime the mother in law came round she was always putting me down telling me i shouldnt be living in a shit hole! Yet it wasn't a shit hole - so what there was dishes in the sink and washing needed doing but i was a new mum and the dad was never around to help me, when I explained this is what he was like, All igot was that it is nothing to do with me as long as my grandaughter is alright then that's all that matters!

Then we ended up going to live with his folks as his mum didn't think the flat we were living in was suitable for a newborn and then Anthony just got worse expecting everyone to do everything except him. Yet again his mum didn't give two shites about him being out on the drink and she and her daughter was always drinking 8 cans each every night and then demanding to hold Imogen....but if I said no I got alot of abuse of them too

We then eventually got a house of our own a 3 bed semi detached council house by the time Imogen was 5months old and still the mother in law would pick at me for the house having being messy. Icouldn't really do anything about the mess until Imogen was having a nap! She and Anthony would pick at me if I hadn't had a bath in a few days or if the dishes weren't done or his uniform wasn't done, he would go crying off to his mum saying I wasn't doing nothing apart from sitting on my bottom.

If I went to buy something for Imogen ie what she needed he would demand how much I'd spent or why I hadn't brought him back any beer.

If things didn't go his way he would end up smashing up walls doors computers you name it! But when I found out I was pregnant with Andrew he told me to abort him as he couldn't even look after Imogen let alone another and then the final blow came when he pinned me up against the wall all because I hadn't brought him any cans back from the supermarket and I was roughly around 6 weeks pregnant with Andrew and had Imogen in my arms.

I fled to a woman's refuge and when I explained everything that had happened they told me it was Domestic Violence and I really didn't realise! 

Now I am in a happy safe loving relationship with Alan and see the posters for Domestic Violence everywhere I look especially on the back doors of the ladies toilets in the maternity wards - Why I hadn't seen them when I was expecting Imogen I shall never know!

But in that respect I wouldn't have Imogen or Andrew and I sure as hell wouldn't of met Alan and had Jayden.


The Woman's Aid was a god send for both me, Imogen and my unborn child (soon to be Andrew)

Anyone else that's been through this and wants to chat i'm here

Hello World

Hey hey to all the peeps and peeps'ess who live in the computer!!! as u can tell from my opening line - I'm very silly! lol my name is Nikki, I was born in 1985, I’m British and I’m female (or at least I was the last time I looked). I am fiancee to Alan and mummy of Imogen, Andrew and Jayden. 


My favourite thing ever is to laugh with my fiance Alan & make other people laugh at my blonde girl stupidity......even tho I'm a brunette! lol once I get going, I'll Never stop, so I hope I'm fun in that way anyways! I'm the type of girl...who will burst out laughing in dead silence at something that happened yesterday.


I've read so many blogs via Netmums Blog Club and thought instead of reading so many, why don't I start my own.  So hope you enjoy reading my blog.  Please feel free to comment or share tips and advice on the topics.